the pissing contest begins

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  • Once upon a time, when the world had so much to worry about: global warming, pollution of the oceans, animal extinctions, disease, mass immigration, angry terrorists killing innocents, water and food shortages - two leaders of very different countries, one rich, one poor, got into a pissing contest.

    The countries were very different in that one was quite weathy and many of its people, in fact most, had a house to live in, a car, and plenty of clothing, food, and a new mobile phone every six months. They were led by a man elected not on his merits as a humanitarian or a veteran of war or a lawyer who made good decisions, but on his ability to insult everyone and his extreme racist and sexist ideals. Not by all the people, mind you, not even by a majority of the people, as this country had a weird system where the winner of an election got points from each state having a certain number of points. (confusing and not worth explaining here) But still, enough people wanted him in power that he won, whether it was the majority or not. The other country was one where its leader inherited his position, from his father, and he was insane, as was his father, and having been brought up in a freakish crazy environment where even his birth year was hidden from the people. It was claimed he was worshipped by the people of his country, but everyone in the rest of the world wondered was that bullshit, since the people in that country couldn't leave the country, were not allowed basically any rights, and the tv and radio stations were controlled by the government. No one could say anything against their leader, and the country was so poor, that the electricity was shut off at night.

    The two countries had very little in common, with the exception that both their leaders were hideous physically, and they were both power hungry to the point of insanity, wanting to take over the world. 

    The wealthy country had had nuclear weapons for ages, but the poor country managed to get some eventually, as one does. The poor country also had poured all of its money into its military, to appear powerful and scary. The rich country already had a big arse military that was powerful and scary. There was some doubt as to whether the poor country could actually even fire a nuclear missile that would go farther than a few miles, but they began threatening the world, including the rich country, being led by a very short madman who looked like a fat 12 year old child with a monk haircut and behaved like Dr Evil from Austin Powers films who had his power only because of his father, he felt he needed to prove to the world he was strong and mighty all on his own, so he pointed his weapons at not just the one, but the two most powerful countries in the world. One was the rich country, and the other one had formerly supported his little abused country. His country had history, it had once tried to take over the one just next door to it, and had committed horrific acts in its attempt. It had a history of madness, self glorification by propaganda, and failure. He had a lot to prove in his mind, and it wasn't going to be that he was different than his predecessors and that he would change his country to a kinder place where people had a decent life and didn't want to escape the nightmare world they lived in.

    Of course the leader of the rich country had to fire back with words and military might, being a bloated very ugly man with slobbery lips and very small hands, who liked to grab women by their crotches to prove his manhood; he had issues and had always needed to prove to others he was strong and mighty and clever, even though he was none of these things with the exception of managing to convince enough people to vote for him because they also needed to prove their manhood or womanhood by believing his hogwash he spouted during his election campaign, including stating he could walk out on the street and shoot someone and get away with it. Those people wanted to feel like that too, and even the women who voted for him thought they needed a man like that to feel sexy, as in their minds, being sexy was the only power women could have.  His son (who was very jealous of his sister as she was his father's favourite because his father wanted to shag her) liked to shoot rare wild animals and post photos of himself with their poor dead bodies on Facebook, which in his tiny brain proved he was a real man, and the men in the country who liked to do the same thing got a stiffy looking at the dead animals and the arrogance in his cold little reptilian eyes. His wife looked miserable, starved, and caged, wore high heels that she could hardly walk in, dresses so tight she couldn't breathe, and this excited the people who voted for them as this was where women should be, in a cage, miserable, unloved, and looking like a high priced hooker with their nipples sticking out even through their coats. His advisors were all white men, who hated everyone who wasn't a white man. Half of them were mad too, and most of them were idiots.

    The pissing contest began, the madmen both aimed their weapons high. The rest of the world waited in terror, as two madmen in power could indeed cause a world war to begin. It was history repeating itself. 

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